I am...

Sometimes it's hard to voice, put into words my choice.
What I see, how I feel, sometimes it is, or isn't, a big deal.
It's just mine.
Finally I got to the beach again yesterday. 
I felt so alienated. Nothing was very new, except me.
I didn't even jump in the ocean. I was limited, little notion.
I can only claim that the trip was merely a start.
A new walk through the door. A beginning.
Next time, to explore. A "get my feet wet", so to speak.
I'm so alone in my world. I have chosen this. Life without a kiss.
Feelings without feel or felt. A candle without melt.
What am I holding back from? Intimacy. But why? Fear. But why?
I have beauty all around. Gorgeous friends.
Lovely ladies that play and respond. I do get turned on.
Aloof. Some inability to cut a tooth.
Take that leap. Ocean plunge. Refreshing lunge. 
Delicious, passionate, fun. Ho-hum or?
Pull the trigger. Go figure..
Maybe that's it. Too MUCH figure!
INSTEAD ~
Floating in the glowing, part & whole of knowing.
See be seen. Feel and felt. Strong and lean.
Raptured & captured. Both ends part of one.
Moon ebbs and flows my tide. Sun sows and grows. Each guide.
Ride and ridden. smitten, nothing hidden. 
Open book. Given, took. Read and write, Day to night.
I cast, I'm caught. Straight forward or, in a knot.
All emotions free to feel. Serenity to failure. Let it in, allow to go. 
I am here and also there.
Stuck inside, oneness ride. I fall and lift. Receive and gift. 
Dance empathic, narcissistic shallow.
slow only one alone or, of all of one.
What am I?
​I AM.